Suicidal Earth and Thundercloud Human

Do you think the Earth gets "Suicidal" too?

There are days where I feel a building up of what can only be described as “Energy”.

It’s a steady increase in energy in my body. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’ll know it is coming. I’ll know it will be a “bad day”. In the past, I’ve tried to rush it and "skip" to the explosion. This looked like me picking fights with my loved ones, self-harm tendencies, and even self-bullying internally.

Sometimes I’ve tried to delay it. Scrolling and scrolling, shoving the growing feeling in my stomach away, being over productive, or I was hoping it will just wait until I'm done with x or y.

This feeling I had a client once call it "emotional constipation"- a brilliant description actually. Sometimes it feels like you need to cry but cannot.

I, for one, love rainy days.

I realized it's because I feel that ancestor Earth "gets it".
When the atmosphere is building up with opposite charges...
Do they also feel the hum of a pain slowly creeping?
Do they feel a need to rush it too?
DO they successfully delay it???

Sometimes for me, this feeling can build up for days or weeks. It will build and build until there is a massive release.
It took me years to even notice the building as a specific feeling and not just "how things are" inside me.

I'd explode (or implode).

This is usually due to a trigger of some sort, of which, I lost the capacity to manage.
Is this how sibling Earth feels? Do the clouds also lose their ability to manage the way they were previously? We can look up and see clouds often moving in the sky. They come and they go. But under specific conditions they become heavy, they fall from the sky, they strike via lightning.

Is a "meltdown" a human's version of a Thundercloud?
Why is it called Lightning when the Earth does it but Suicidal or Self Harm if I do it? What if we saw "Meltdowns" from the perspective of conditions that created the perfect storm rather than an innate human flaw? What would it mean to see the Earth as living?
What would we learn about them? What would we learn about ourselves by seeing our experiences as literally natural?

We are animals! Not in a dehumanizing way. I feel sometimes we forget.

The way I approach Therapy is based on the way I intend to see the Earth. Suicidality, Meltdowns, Breakdowns, "Episodes", Crisis are all natural occurrences. They are all Natural Phenomenon. It requires no rushing or delaying. In fact, it does not care if you attempt to rush it!

It must complete their process.
They require Attention and Compassion.
Not Exploitation or Entitlement.
It does not necessarily require "management" beyond being witnessed and acknowledged.

What if how we treat the Earth is a reflection of how we treat ourselves?
What do we do when there is a storm coming? Maybe that's where we start. We complain, we change plans, we adapt. We cannot stop the Earth as they feel. We accept its process.

In the end, there my be a wildfire. But did you know wildfires have a purpose? They clear the land for new life. I feel my Suicidal moments are clearings for new life. Indigenous People figured this out long ago.

Can we do that with ourselves and each other? Can we learn to Accept us as we are?

It may be difficult but absolutely worth it.

If this resonates with you, or you are tired of fighting a battle with Suicidality, "episodes", "outbursts", or even "meltdowns", I'm happy to support. Feel free to reach out to me to schedule an appointment.

If you are currently in a crisis and need a witness, I have resources located via the tan button at the bottom of the website page. These resources will prioritize your Safety and Autonomy.

Warmly and In Solidarity,

Alanna